What’s occurring? Five ways to find out what is going on in your life!

Have you ever seen the sitcom Gavin and Stacey, where the character Nessa uses the greeting “What’s occurring?” Have you ever used it, or some form of the phrase?

When I think about it, I wonder what is really going on. What layers are present both on the surface of life and in our subconscious? Are we playing out patterns from the past that are no longer serving us, or being brave and establishing more productive ones?

When we are aware of the layers of life, we can become much more informed and act with greater wisdom. When we ask ourselves what is happening, how we feel and why that might be happening, we are suddenly able to manage our minds with maturity and gain some clarity.

Most people assume that coming for counselling or coaching means that the therapist will be able to untangle everything for them with ease and speed! They come and hope that everything will be sorted in one session, and then life will have no more bumps or blunders. Believe me, I wish this were the case! But life can be very demanding, unfair and full of trauma, and that takes time to mend. The mending process needs time to sort through to find the lessons and blessings from a situation.

Here are five ways to recognise the feelings that actually empower you and those around you:

1. Stop and think about what you’re feeling. Give yourself a few moments to work out the emotions and give yourself some grace.
2. Once you know ‘what’s occurring’, what can you discern from those feelings? They can be helpful tools for working out a situation.
3. Don’t be uncomfortable. Just allow some time and patience to let the intensity of things pass, and then think about the wisest thing to do next.
4. Sometimes doing nothing is sensible; it gives you time to think calmly and seek advice, and then you are able to respond rather than retaliate. This is powerful and will help improve your communication and confidence.
5. Respond to yourself with curiosity rather than judgement. Think about talking to yourself with warmth and care: “Oh, that’s interesting, and what is this teaching me?” rather than “This is terrible and all my fault.”

Growing in self-esteem, self-worth and self-assurance means we are always working on ourselves. This isn’t self-obsession; it is self-awareness so that we can be more at peace with ourselves and the world around us.

Many things will happen in our lives. Some will be chosen, welcome and joyful; others will be unexpected and, at times, unfair. When we meet each situation with steadiness, kindness and clear thinking, we become stronger souls who can create our own hopeful catchphrases for life.

Good luck, my pals!